Sorry, this post is a little more raw than I ever get on my blog.

I am having a 5th boy. SO, SO many people have asked me if I'm sorry it wasn't a girl. SO. MANY. There are some people I don't mind when they ask me things like this, like close family or friends. I get sick of it, but I know them and know they're not trying to upset me. But when acquaintances or strangers ask me that, it really REALLY irritates me. Especially when they say it IN FRONT of my boys! The other comment that makes me particulary angry is when I tell people I have 4 boys or that i'm having another boy and they say, "I'm sorry." Now my general world view is that most people are trying to be nice good people and I try very hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. I know in my mind that they're probably not trying to be mean or hurtful. But for some reason it feels mean and hurtful. And it feels insulting to my boys. And it makes my mama bear claws come out. I am generally very civil to people and try to answer politely and with a smile, but honestly, after 1400 times of answering with a smile, my fake smile is wearing out!!

In all truth, I really thought this baby was a girl. Dan and I prayed and prayed about wanting to feel peace about being done having kids. But I couldn't get a feeling of peace. And I distinctly felt that the baby was going to be a girl. This pregnancy was completely different than all my others. I barely got sick at all. I was sick maybe 10 days total, and not consecutively. All these things together made me feel quite sure it was a girl. Then in the sonogram, it was pretty clear I was wrong. Even a couple years ago I had a feeling I would have four boys. Not 5. (http://blogztheblogtoendallblogs.blogspot.com/2011/03/journal-entry.html) Did I make those feelings up? I don't know. It's rocked my world a little bit. OK maybe a lot. I was shocked when she said it was a boy. Genuinely surprised. But sorry? No.


Dan and I put out a truly quality product, and I am so crazy in love with my boys. It is really hard to have all boys sometimes, and things get a little wild, and a little loud, a lot dirty, and somewhat crazy. BUT I HAVE NEVER BEEN SORRY FOR ONE DAY ABOUT HAVING ANY OF THEM. I get completely overwhelmed with emotion when I think about my little men. Why would I not want another one just like them????


I guess I could rant on and on about this for a while. About all the insensitive things people say, and how my feelings are truly hurt by them, no matter how hard I try to convince myself to just let them roll off my back. I just felt like I needed to get it off my chest.
Ok I'm done with that now.


So let me end with a story:
When George was little, we used to talk about how it was completely unfair to have a baby that cute first, because it was be hard for any other kid to compare to him. He's always been so sweet and so smart. We kind of felt sorry for whoever came after him....

Then we had Ben. And Ben was soo beautiful and soo smart. Full of whipped creamy goodness and fire all at the same time. We thought after these two, there is just no way for anyone to compare.

Then came Henry. Oh my. We could not believe what an adorable little imp he was. Surely, after these three, there's just NO WAY the next one can keep up.

And then there was Sam. OH how I love Sam. My snuggly little angel baby. I can't get enough of him.

And I can't WAIT to see who's next. I am not sorry to welcome another one of these little guys into my world. I am so grateful for how richly God has blessed my life. I don't know why He does what He does, or how He chooses which spirits go where, but I entered into this with a willing heart and an open home for whoever He chose to send us. And I am grateful no matter who He sends. The. end.